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About Varied / Professional Premium Member Marianna MosqueraFemale/United States Groups :iconbelieveindw-sh-bbc: BelieveinDW-SH-BBC
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deviation in storage by emiKs

A Girl Brushed Azure

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 15, 2015, 6:08 PM


"There are places in this world that aren't made out of stone.
There's something inside...that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours."




                Last week, a young girl asked me me why I believe in what I believe in. She asked me what makes me tick, what makes me seek such things. 

My chest kind of tightened [and I hope my face didn't show it] because my way of answering such things isn't yet in form with words. When it comes to such weighted things, my answer lays with what I do. With what I am, what I choose to be. I'm still finding the words, but I hope my actions will do for now.

In a [poor] attempt to show her just how much this subject meant to me, I showed her a conversation I had with a friend, explaining that in order to respect my hardships... everything I've gone through, everyone who doubted me and everyone who believes in me-- I have to continue the journey. I have to find out why I'm here and I seek to work in the things I feel connected to. If I was made for something, I'm going to do everything I can to find out what that is; even if I pay my way in tears. 

In this promise, I have found something worth pursuing. 

My life right now revolves around the action that is 'To Seek'.
To want. To ask. To wonder. To feel and ask questions. To have hope coursing through my veins.

Such a thing as Hope.

I don't hear God in my ears as often as I should [for one who claims to believe]; It's not that he doesn't speak, It's just that I don't always properly listen. However if there is one way, one powerful and undeniable way that I see his hand and his sense of authorship-- it is in the way my life has played out. Maybe I don't get on my knees as often as I should-- but I think he knew that I would be a lover of storyship. If there is one way I listen and see that my walk and life is stitched in a unique way [alongside the lives of others], one way I see that most everything has a purpose behind it-- it is through my life. What I love. What I'm connected to and what I've lost and learned. Though my vibrant and strong friends. Through tragedy.

In addition to seeing this truth through my life,
I find I listen best when I write.. because I flow in the most curious way. I discover things about myself when I write, it's like a better version of me talking, and I listen to her by writing it down. I'd dare even say that almost all writers have got something like an inner prophet inside of them. My written words are not often words previously thought out but rather of a voice inside me.
Maybe the me of the future,
maybe of God
or the voice of a friend.

Or hope.

Between here, and where I rest my head it is woven into everything I do. [But my sister tells me I mumble in my sleep. And I wonder what about.]

You know, I don't often remember my dreams. ... but I just want my life to be worth it all.
My endgame is the promise I was given; the day I was told that it will be worth it all. That what I have inside me will be worth it all. 


So I've been preparing my bones; braced for the backlash, because commitment comes with suffering--- and that suffering.. results in perseverance, and perseverance results in character. [but sometimes the blows are harsh and my knees buckle]


Have you ever reached a point where you willing to risk your life because you were promised something? 

If my body is stitched together in such a way, then there has to be a reason why my bones take so much to break, why my hands and feet are crafted in such a way.

Why my heart aches
because it always falls for people who are so 
far away. [So hurt]

There has to be a reason why my eyes speak for me, as my mother says.


            My friends know of how somedays I have to simply lay on the ground. There's times where the very task of breathing, being alive, shakes my bones. There are times where you and I have to sift out the truth, about ourselves. About what we want, what we are. What convicts us. The truest truth because nothing else will do. My mistakes, my words, my evil desires, my selfishness. All my good and bad.

But despite this, [despite me] came the reminder that... we are worthy of seeking out the truth. That we were made for a more purposeful life--- 

--And in that pursuit; there is a promised victory. 

The bones in my forearms have hardened, likened to armor. Ready for the backlash, [though sometimes the blows are more than I can stand].

But we get back up.
Again, and again, and
again. 

Faithfully, sometimes quietly.
Because a friend told me that I was pure victory.

...And I believe her, so I want to chase that, aspire to that.
By getting back up
again and again, and
again.

We'll chase it. And follow it.
And I'll never let you forget that: 

We'll be alright in the end.


I'll be that silhouette that comes at such moments;
When you say "I can't"
I'll tell you "You sure damn can".

And when you think "I'm done"
I'll whisper "not yet"

And you'll do the same for me.
It's not that I never feel fear, or that I never feel stuck, it's simply that
I am built in such a way that one of my greatest desires is to have the people I love, live lives that they love.

So as hard as I fight for myself to seek out who I am, I'll fight even harder for those who have my friendship 
as well as my love.

I might carry a fair-skinned face
and fingernails caked with black dirt and earth; but such residue and impartation cannot help but stick to my bones. It all sticks to my bones. Conversations, characters, wisdom, words, colors, the elements, old warriors, ancient sounds.

So I can be satisfied with you in my saddest times.

Nowadays, contentment has taken the strange form of gardening; gardening-- of all things! I'm horrid at it, I feel. But someone I loved was very fond of gardening. It reminds me of them, and of that promise that they are near in entering my life. 

And though it may just be a shadow,
I am what I stand for.
And if that is true, then I am many things.
As well as hope.

And if I am what my friends say I am,
than I am a girl brushed Azure.
A victor. A picture that speaks of redemption.
A weighted soul.
A carrier.
"Worthy".
[things I feel are too good to be in me.]

But if I claim to love my friends and family, I must believe their words
If I am what my friends say I am,
then I am much more than I realize.
And I want to do something with that.

Whether it's brewing tea for my mother, Conversing with God, or locking eyes with the moon. I have to believe it all counts. Because it all speaks.

That's why I live life as I do, why I speak as I do, why I want to become as intensely as I do-- because life has shown me that I am meant for such things.
And I cannot do anything else but listen. But I also have to undergo the process to become.

Because... I'm not ready to be everything I'm created to be; I have found out that such a thing takes time and must be a mystery. [for my safety. half-fledged, prideful] 
But I can continue the pursuit. I'll be ready someday. Somehow, someway,
because my steps
are such that are laced with a guide.

A compass so true, that I feel the North Star [Hokkyokusei] every night. Despite myself. My cynicism and stupidities and contempt for safety. Despite all I've done to deserve the opposite, I have found the honored company of one who has his eyes a little higher than mine.

Until then, I'll try to be satisfied in my saddest times. I'll do my best to lay it all down. I'm trying to cut off the worthless things and cherish the things [people, moments] that matter.

And I hope to be all that you see in me.

I will make it a point to move in what I was made for.
I just need one or two people who believe in me.
And I have more than that.



  • Listening to: There Must Be Something In The Wind - Blindside
  • Reading: Dead Poets Society [Novel Adaption]
  • Watching: Sengoku Basara: Judge End
  • Playing: Mario Kart 8!
  • Eating: Nothing at the moment
  • Drinking: Perrier

Activity


CBieynyWwAASpGI by The-Longfall-of-1979Lucas is back in Smash Bros!!!!!!!!
I just want to give Nintendo a big bear hug. \( ゚ヮ゚)/
Cosplanner 1 by The-Longfall-of-1979We're almost done!! It's been so fantastic to take on both designing a pair of outfits as well as making them come to life. :D These two are characters of whom are very near and dear to me, and I cannot wait to share the finished product with you all. I'm consulting some connections for a photoshoot, so we should have some fancy photographs before you know it. :) #Cosplay
Thank you so much for all the birthday wishes... I am astounded. You made me feel so honored and respected today. I'm still sifting through all the messages, cards, poems, notes... and I wish I could thank you all individually. All of this gave me a fresh strength to walk onwards. You've deeply warmed my heart, and I can't thank you enough. Here's to 20. :)

deviantID

The-Longfall-of-1979
Marianna Mosquera
Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
(I like to think I'm professional.)

-------

Current Residence: Every star that ever was.

deviantWEAR sizing preference: Anything medium or above. (But not too above)

Print preference: Idk man just print your own printery prints

Favorite genre of music: A lot of the Lots of things out there.

Favourite photographer: jaydoncabe, Renée Tooley, Matthew Odmark, Connie Imboden, PopeSaintVictor, Charlie Lowell, Jaime Ibarra.

Favourite style of art: Old Photography. Gritty conceptual art, Japanese art, children's illustrations, Comical and cartoonishy, Typography, lots of things from the emotional side of the artistic side of the moon------and just basically anything that catches my eye!

Operating System: Furfx

MP3 player of choice: Lappy 3000, youtube, iPod touch, and my whistler.

Shell of choice: one with a ghost in it.

Wallpaper of choice: Scenery stuff, pictures of cool panes, anything Sengoku Basara, Marvel, Doctor who, instrument photography, some black and White Photography, and the like.

Skin of choice: mine's great, thanks.

Personal Quote: "Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Interests

900 Years



"Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know that in nine hundred years of time and space and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before."

Cross My Hearts




"Run, you clever boy-- and remember me."

Webcam

March's Print Releases!

The Longfall of 1979: Choose your destination!

Shoutbox

kittykittyhunter:iconkittykittyhunter:
Happy birthday Marianne! :heart:
Sun Jan 11, 2015, 7:32 AM
NitroDragonTrigger:iconnitrodragontrigger:
CAKE!! O_O YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Mon May 19, 2014, 5:12 AM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
LET THEM EAT CAKE!
Sun Jan 12, 2014, 12:34 PM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
Whew! 1,500 watchers? A big Hurrah, and TARDIS-cooked Turkey for everyone!
Thu Jan 2, 2014, 8:37 PM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
Goodness! Very gracious complement. :) Thank you.
Sun Dec 8, 2013, 12:41 PM
TheZacAttack:iconthezacattack:
I hope bbc commissions you to do ad work for them x3 you're incredibly talented
Sat Dec 7, 2013, 11:52 AM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
Thank you so much. :thanks:
Mon Jul 29, 2013, 9:50 PM
kittykittyhunter:iconkittykittyhunter:
Reminder that you are amazing and that I love you very much. :heart:
Mon Jul 29, 2013, 3:41 PM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
Welcome Back Samo!!
Sat Jul 27, 2013, 10:57 AM
The-Longfall-of-1979:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
Yaaaaayyyyy!!
Tue Jul 23, 2013, 4:40 PM
Nobody

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4 deviants said No!

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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconwritersoldier:
writersoldier Featured By Owner 1 day ago  New member Hobbyist Artist
Thank you for the fave! :) (Smile) 
Reply
:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
The-Longfall-of-1979 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Professional General Artist
You are most welcome! You make an excellent Winter Soldier, the photos were fantastic; really great work. :nod:
Reply
:icontea-for-jbass:
Tea-for-JBASS Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for your continual support!
Reply
:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
The-Longfall-of-1979 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Professional General Artist
You are most welcome! :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconromailee:
RomaiLee Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist Artist
Thanks for the fav on FMA - There's no end... by RomaiLee (^_^)

If you're interested please follow my work as a cosplayer here: www.facebook.com/romaileecos

if you use Twitter: twitter.com/romailee

I would appreciate it (^^) If it's no interest to you just ignore it ;)
Reply
:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
The-Longfall-of-1979 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Professional General Artist
No problem! Very lovely work. :nod: Thank you for the links.
Reply
:iconaniki-fair:
Aniki-Fair Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks a lot for the favs! :D
Reply
:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
The-Longfall-of-1979 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Professional General Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconarkenstonestar:
ArkenstoneStar Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love the ideas that you express in your artwork (especially doctor who), I love it!!
Reply
:iconthe-longfall-of-1979:
The-Longfall-of-1979 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2015  Professional General Artist
Thank you! I deeply appreciate it. :)
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